The Power of Affirmations


We are often our worst critics, judging ourselves more harshly than we would others. It is often easier to extend grace and compassion to friends and family than it is to ourselves. The messages we tell ourselves often perpetuate lies that root from shame, our negative core beliefs. Things like “I’m not good enough. No one loves me. Everyone leaves. I can’t rely on other people.”, etc. Healing these negative core beliefs takes great intentionality. One great way is to practice affirmations.

Affirmations are simply positive truths about ourselves. An affirmation concisely speaks truth about who we are, challenging the negative core beliefs that may be loud in our head. These affirmations can cross out the messy first draft left behind by shame & replace it with a more true, more helpful draft.

Sometimes affirmations can be general, like “I am loved” or can be more specific to a situation, like “I can handle this”. Write your affirmations specifically to areas of yourself and your life that need that extra support and tune-up. Find yourself beating yourself up over small mistakes you make socially? Write affirmations about your belovedness, connectedness, support from others, etc. Working toward a big test? Write affirmations toward your preparation, your ability, your strength, your confidence. Struggling to hold onto hope in a difficult season? Write your affirmations about your confidence that you will be okay, you can handle this, you will get your happy ending.

I encourage you to give it a shot - even this weekend. Think about a difficult spot in your life now, it may be self-esteem, family, relationships, infertility, grief, loss, fear, lack of hope, a trial, etc.. Now challenge yourself to write 25 positive affirmations. Here are a few to get you started:

  • I am strong.
  • I am loved.
  • I am doing the best I can with the tools I have today.
  • I can handle this.
  • I can trust myself.
  • I am resilient.
  • I choose hope.
  • I will be okay.

When you have your affirmation list, commit to reading your affirmations out loud over yourself daily. You may even record yourself speaking these affirmations slowly, then listen to the recording as you fall asleep each night. Practicing affirmations may feel strange at first. We are often not used to speaking kindly to ourselves. Negative shame messages are usually deeply ingrained and can feel much louder than the soft whisper of a positive affirmation. Keep at it consistently, with practice and discipline the affirmations will eventually start to feel more true and take up more space in your head.

Brain Power


Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intricately related, so changing one aspect can often create a chain reaction in the others. In particular, the way we think has a profound impact on the way we feel and behave. For example, if I wake up on a Monday morning and stub my toe on my dresser then spill coffee all over myself in the car, I may say to myself “Nothing ever goes my way! Today is going to be a horrible day!” That declaration can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I may start unconsciously hunting for other bad parts of my day that confirm my belief. As I rehearse this thought that “today is a horrible day”,  I’ll probably start feeling irritable and it may affect the way I behave towards my coworkers. Perhaps I retreat and isolate, get quiet, or respond shortly to my husband. As I act out my bad day thoughts and feelings, others may respond to my negative behaviors, thus confirming my thought that today is horrible to begin with. Whew! You can see how this can spiral… Image if I had been able to hold a more positive, hopeful, or realist thought about my day like, “Well that was certainly not how I wanted to start the day, let’s hope I can turn this around!”

The same cycle can be especially true on a deeper level - the way we think about ourselves.  Our core beliefs (either negative or positive) can become a magnet, attracting evidence that fits with the belief and rejecting the evidence that doesn’t quite connect. For example, if a young woman internalizes the message that she is stupid, she may often feel inadequate, unimportant, lack confidence, and become anxious or depressed. Living out those feelings and thoughts may result in her not engaging in the classroom, fearful to assert her opinion or ideas in the workplace, or anxious in group dynamics. She may be passed up for promotions or receive poor grades in the classroom because of lack of participation. The core belief magnet attaches on to these negative experiences, saying “See! I told you so!”, but ignores times she gets praised for her creativity, gets good grades, or complimented on her work ethic.

Healing comes through confronting these distorted thought patterns, whether shallow or deeply personal, and replacing them with the truth. How might your thinking be impacting the way you feel and act? Could this be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy loop? What negative or critical thoughts have you given squatting rights to in your brain?

If you're feeling stuck in negative thinking, contact me today to see how you can make some positive changes in your life.